Should the people of the United Kingdom dare to vote to leave the European Union on Thursday, what might the consequences be ? Some, or all, of the following, perhaps.
The Queen and entire Royal Family move back to their ancient homeland of Hanover in Germany, declaring that they are Europeans even if the British people aren't.
Boris Johnson becomes Prime Minister. His first act is to invite Tony Blair to occupy the now vacant throne as King Tony the First. Blair refuses on the grounds that the job isn't big enough for him.
David Cameron announces that he was really in favour of 'Brexit' all along but was so scared of Mrs Merkel that he couldn't say so.
Prime Minister Johnson offers the throne to David Beckham. Beckham refuses, saying he already has a throne, why would he need another one ?
President Hollande announces that France will hold its own referendum next year to determine if the EU should remain a part of France.
Prime Minister Johnson offers the throne to Elton John. John accepts but insists that the public mustn't be told as he values his privacy, so will use the pseudonym of 'Reg Dwight'.
Chancellor Merkel declares that no more defections from the Union will be tolerated. She proposes a new law outlawing membership referendums.
Prince Philip says he never could stand the ruddy foreigners anyway, while chewing on his German sausage.
The pound collapses.
Prince Charles hugs some trees and announces that he never wanted to be King; he enters a Bavarian monastery.
George Osborne takes up a new career as a wallpaper hanger.
The stock market crashes.
Jeremy Corbyn refuses to sing the National Anthem at King Reg's private coronation; he declares his constituency of Islington North to be an independent Republic and names himself as its first President.
Scotland declares independence. The EU refuses to recognize it but demands a share of its off-shore oil and gas reserves.
Nigel Farage gets very, very drunk.
The stock market surges to double its previous highest level.
The pound doubles in value.
The Treasury, Bank of England, IMF, OECD, IFS and a host of 'respected economists' announce that they got things wrong; a speck of dust was mistaken for a decimal point and their forecasts were all much too gloomy.
US President-elect Clinton says the UK will be at the 'back of the queue' for trade talks.
Nigel Farage sobers up, realises what's happened and gets very, very drunk again.
England win the Euros, beating a combined France/Germany team 27-1 in the final.
US President-elect Trump says the UK will be 'first in the queue' for trade talks.
The European Union implodes. Chancellor Merkel flies secretly to Scotland in an attempt to start reconciliation talks. She is arrested and imprisoned in the Tower of London.
King Reg composes a new national anthem, entitled "Voters in the Wind". Voters reject it in a referendum, King Reg abdicates in a huff. He is replaced by a cardboard cut-out, but no one notices.
David Cameron finds a new job on television, presenting "It'll be all right on the night, I hope".
The British people heave a huge sigh of relief that the whole damn referendum is over.
The EU insists that the referendum was misunderstood and produced the wrong result; it demands a re-run. The second result is 25% for 'In', 25% for 'Out' and 50% for 'Shake it all about'.
The British people heave another huge sigh of relief that the whole damn referendum is over.
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